Lost Ramblings from a Mother in Mourning
I was up in the attic sorting through some of the things I had stored up there. I was trying to make room for more of my bric-a-bracs here and I came across some “lost ramblings” (I wouldn’t call them poetry) written three years ago. It was days after I had my D&C after my second miscarraige. I was depressed and in grief — I had even forgotten I had written about it until I scanned this magazine I had decided to throw away. I chanced upon the fourth one first and had to scan the magazine page to page to find the first three.. All were written on April 14, 2003.
I It’s as if they took more than just dead tissue away — it’s almost like tearing a piece of my heart out. tearing an empty cavity in my very being. I walk.. I breathe.. I can even muster a smile or let out a laugh – yet I feel a tear ready to fall at almost every turn. II Lumakad ako ng lumakad sa lamig ng hapon na hinahaplos ng init ng araw. Walang pakialam sa mundong umupo sa gitna ng karimlan — nagpatangay sa agos, tinganggap ang kapalaran – manhid pa rin sa katotohanan. III I had seen it coming but the reality didn’t hit me until today – and try as I might to reassure myself, I can’t get myself to believe that all will be well again. Though at the back of my mind, I know it will pass – and yes, everything will be alright. IV I shed tears when my loss hit me – it was as if something had been yanked from deep within my gut and suddenly, the life I was nurturing was no more. Each day finds me lost in thought of what I had and now do not– and I try to overcome. But instead, I am overwhelmed. What used to be shades of pink and blue in pretty pastels has been reduced to black and white. Where I used to have dreams of little hands and bright smiles are now blank screens that swallow me up.It has ceased to throb in me, but a numbness envelopes me and I am lost in the darkness.
Posted by in 03:16:59
I like the content, but that your articles have so many spaces should be modified I think, and epically the end.