Pinay Mom on Motherhood, Etc.

I woke up when the alarm buzzed a second time just before 6:30 this morning, but Father and Son were fast asleep so I went to the living room and did the routine blackberry check. Then I did the unthinkable and lay down on the sofa, unable to resist the urge to close my eyes again, telling myself I only needed five minutes. And I ended up waking up an hour later.

Oops!!

Instead of stressing myself out over it, I accepted the fact that I was late. I got the boys their breakfast, guzzled my coffee and went on my way. When I start late, everybody else starts later, so I offered to take Angelo to school to save Alan some time.

The conversations I have with my boy during those walks to and from the house to school are truly precious. What else would beat hearing this four-year-old proclaiming he loves me? We talk about people turning into flowers as he gleaned from a story his preschool teachers had read to him, and he asks me if the flowers we pass along the way were people. (I have to find out the title of that book and read it myself.). Although it took a few conversations, he eventually accepted that people turning into flowers is just a storyline and actually isn’t reality.

He’s beginning to show a stubborn streak in him. (A little bit of me and a little bit of his Dad.)  Sometimes it can be quite a struggle trying to keep my cool — but I try to be both firm and patient with him.  I feel a different sense of security when his tiny hand clings to mine.. and I am continually surprised by his innocent utterances which I wish I could record and play over and over again.

They do play over and over again — in my heart and in my head.

Parenting can be such a complicated matter.  Others take it too seriously if you ask me.  My personal mantra has always been to “Go with the flow” so to speak.  It’s a hit or miss thing, and the best one can really do is to give it your best shot.  And that’s what Alan and I are doing.  Of course Alan has the advantage of having been a parent before with the stepson — yet he has often told me the things he is experiencing with Angelo are first time experiences he never had with his older boy.  While experience has taught him a lot, there is much more that we are learning together.

I don’t have a perfect son.  His imperfections, though, serve to remind me he is human.  That he has a personality all his own, and that there is a part of him that is so much like his father and myself, but there is so much more that is uniquely him.  And like his Dad and I, he has his moods and quirks.  While his character at this point is malleable and subject to correction, I constantly remind myself he is a work in progress.  A four year old who thinks like a four year old.

I try to be firm and I try to be understanding.  Striking a balance between being patient and consistently teaching.  Is he spoiled?  I won’t mince words and admit he is.  But he has a good heart which knows there are lines that cannot be crossed, not because he fears punishment, but because there are feelings that will be hurt and a Mom and Dad that will be frustrated.  So no, I do not threaten to put him in the dumpster like an aunt had done. I believe that a certain sense of fear is necessary, but not the kind of fear that will not make him see the reason behind the prohibition. 

I’m giving it my best shot although I sometimes wonder if I’m on the right track.  I look at him and I see him growing into his own person.  He makes me smile when he suddenly says “I love you, Mama..”.  He may be able to read the letters of his name and he knows it when he sees it, and although he cannot write his name yet, I see no cause to worry.  We’re taking it a day at a time..

It meant that we were now into the more serious business of preparing him for the real world — although it will be a step at a time, and tiny steps at that.  I felt proud.  And I must admit, I was very excited.  I immediately started putting the letters in a binder.  My little boy is going to pre-k!